Black and white thinking, also called polarized thinking, is a way of viewing situations that fails to acknowledge the nuances that exist between two extremes.
With black and white thinking, situations, problems, outcomes, and even people are seen in extremes. Accompanied by our tendency to predict the worst and ignore the positive, this kind of thinking can depress or discourage us quite quickly. Since we are not perfect, on the one extreme, nothing is left except total failure, on the other extreme. Why even try? Our motivation takes a huge hit as we ignore the “middle ground” possibilities.
One way to discover our own black-and-white thinking is to watch for extreme, all-or-nothing words or word pairs. Some examples of these are ever, never, all, nothing, total, complete, most, worst, best, perfect, ideal, absolutely, and hopeless.
How can we counter this limiting way of thinking? When we find ourselves categorically and judgmentally labeling something or someone, one thing we can do is ask ourselves questions until we can arrive at a more balanced viewpoint. Here’s an example:
He’s a loser. I’ve never seen anyone do something so stupid! Oh, really? What do you mean by a loser? I mean, he’s always getting in trouble. Always? Well, I’ve seen him do stupid things like this at least three times. He never learns. Never? Well, not yet anyway. I guess it seems like he just has a hard time staying out of trouble. Maybe he will stop and think about what he’s doing. I’ve done some pretty stupid things, too, but I have learned my lessons. So, you’re not a loser? No, and he really isn’t either…he’s just having a hard time, I guess.
Polarized thinking is also called primitive thinking because it is normal for children at earlier stages of development. It is easy for us to fall back on primitive thinking when we’re under stress. Primitive thinking makes the world seem less complicated than it really is, possibly giving us a certain sense of security. Thinking in shades of gray can also be considerably less dramatic than thinking in extremes. In Cognitive Distortion: How Does Black-and-White Thinking Hurt Us?, Summer Beretsky presents the challenge of thinking up “middle words” between two extremes—while acknowledging that using polar words might pack a bigger verbal punch. The more dramatic words, though, can be untruthful and more anxiety-provoking.
Polarized thinking is particularly hard on relationships. First, we put the other person on a pedestal. They are not perfect, though, so we eventually have to bring them down – but where can we put them next? If they are no longer “ideal”, do we only have one other option—the dungeon? Most of us are a mixture of good and bad—we have some qualities that might endear us to someone else, and some that might be annoying. We might be thoughtful of others, but also selfish in some ways. If we only have two extreme categories for others, we will miss out on meaningful—if imperfect—relationships.
It takes some work to stop ourselves and reflect on our polarized language, but the insights we gain can be helpful in our relationships, careers, and our own sense of well-being.