In relationships, there are balances of control and power to navigate. Does someone have the last (or only) word? Is there trust and cooperation? Is there independence along with interdependence? Is there shared responsibility, or victimization and blame? Is there a balance between sensitivity and …
Expectations
Expecting too much from your spouse or your marriage is a recipe for disappointment. Consider what it would mean to have a “perfect” marriage. Would it mean that your spouse is perfect? In whose estimation? What are the chances of having a perfect spouse? But wait—does that mean you must also be …
In it Together
We’ve talked about several aspects of splitting up household duties. Here are a few more things to consider. The division of chores should be an ongoing dialogue. Any new system will need tweaks, and you may discover new things about what is important to you or your spouse. That’s OK. As we said …
Balance and Pacing
The marriage entities, you, me, and us require quite a bit of balancing to all survive and prosper. How can I be supportive of my spouse without abandoning myself? If I abandon “me”, it will lead me to resenting him, because it will seem like he, and us, are crowding “me” out. This resentment, and …
Boundary Guidelines
As we’ve said previously, boundaries help to protect relationships. Setting healthy boundaries keeps balance in the relationship and provides protection for the individuals through safety in the relationship (Echo-Hawk, 2006). According to Eldemire, “Boundaries are unique for every individual. …
Grounding
The terms grounding and centering are sometimes used interchangeably. When a distinction is made, centering usually refers to our state of mind (mental and physical), while grounding refers to our connection to the earth. The term earthing is also used for grounding. We might call someone who is …
Balancing
A typical thought that arises when women feel the uncertainty of how to deal with competing aspirations and goals is that “something has to go”. Either I must simply resign myself to being ‘stuck’ in a marriage, or I must leave the marriage in order to do or have other things that are important to …