Expecting too much from your spouse or your marriage is a recipe for disappointment. Consider what it would mean to have a “perfect” marriage. Would it mean that your spouse is perfect? In whose estimation? What are the chances of having a perfect spouse? But wait—does that mean you must also be …
Acceptance
In a discussion about acceptance in marriage, it’s useful to go back to the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) definition of acceptance, or “radical acceptance,” as the skill is called. Radical acceptance means accepting our current reality, whatever that is. In the context of marriage, radical …
Dividing Responsibilities
In a previous post, we mentioned that sharing household chores is considered an important component of a successful marriage, and that having an agreed-upon system of dividing the chores made a difference in how well couples got along on a day-to-day basis (Bradbury et al, 2013). Attitudes toward …
Expressing Needs
Expressing your needs might seem to be a simple thing—and it is if you take ownership of them and do only that. This is not to say it’s always easy to state directly and simply what you need. Some of the most important things about expressing our needs are what we need to leave out! Use “I” …
How to Disagree and Argue
Disagree? Argue? Are these even things we should be doing? The answer isn’t a pat ‘yes’ or ‘no’—it depends on how you are arguing or disagreeing. Arguing in a healthy way can strengthen your marriage and deepen your relationship with your spouse. The author of the best-selling book Crucial …
Communication
Every marriage needs good communication. If you or your spouse are unhappy in or with the marriage, this will be communicated in some way … attitudes, body language, decisions, even lack of communication—so why not communicate openly and honestly about what is difficult for you? Communication is …
Balance and Pacing
The marriage entities, you, me, and us require quite a bit of balancing to all survive and prosper. How can I be supportive of my spouse without abandoning myself? If I abandon “me”, it will lead me to resenting him, because it will seem like he, and us, are crowding “me” out. This resentment, and …
Boundary Guidelines
As we’ve said previously, boundaries help to protect relationships. Setting healthy boundaries keeps balance in the relationship and provides protection for the individuals through safety in the relationship (Echo-Hawk, 2006). According to Eldemire, “Boundaries are unique for every individual. …
Setting Boundaries
In the previous post, we discussed the importance of boundaries in marriage. It is worth repeating that healthy boundaries lead to healthy relationships. Boundaries don’t detract from the marriage relationship, they enhance it. Eldemire (2020) puts it this way: “… boundaries aren't restricting or …
Boundaries
How do boundaries work in a marriage? What areas of a marriage benefit from boundaries? What are the advantages of having clear boundaries? According to Eldemire, “All healthy relationships have healthy boundaries. Boundaries provide the freedom to express your needs and values …
Self Identity
We have written about the three identities in a marriage, and about the need to keep all three going, and growing. Since the wife is the partner most likely to “lose” herself in the marriage, let’s dig a little deeper into the importance of her (and his) individual identity. A worthwhile read is …
Then and Now
After marrying, you may begin to wonder about the person you were before marriage. Is that person still valuable? In fact, where is that person? Have you lost track of her? What was it like when you were first attracted to your husband? Undoubtedly something about him piqued your interest. That …
Role Changes
Whose roles change the most after marriage: his, or hers? A century or more ago, a woman might not have lived on her own, or been in the workforce before marrying. By 1998, 70% of single woman participated in the workforce. In 1900, only 6 percent of married women worked outside the home. Among …
Identities in Marriage
Yes, you read that right – “identities”. Not just because we all have multiple facets of our identity, but also because marriage involves three—or four—identities. Each person brings an individual identity into the marriage, and those identities become part of “us”—the couple, and then possibly the …
Balancing
A typical thought that arises when women feel the uncertainty of how to deal with competing aspirations and goals is that “something has to go”. Either I must simply resign myself to being ‘stuck’ in a marriage, or I must leave the marriage in order to do or have other things that are important to …
Navigating Women’s Roles
The Life Skills Weekly blog is shifting from general life skills to look at a very specific topic: how women can navigate their various roles within a traditional marriage. Women’s roles and possibilities have expanded drastically in the last 100 years. It is no longer a given that women …