Feelings are considered the conscious experience of emotional reactions. Many people when expressing themselves will use the word “feeling” interchangeably with the word “emotion.” Feelings are, in their most basic definition, senses—like the sense of smell or taste. A cool breeze might give us a pleasant sensation, and a foul smell just the opposite. Losing something or someone might prompt sadness. If we think we saw a bear, or a shark, we might have a feeling of fear.
Feelings often have physical representations. If we are sad or disappointed, our face may “fall” – our expression changes, and maybe we cry. Apprehension might be a “feeling in the pit of your stomach”. When you see that bear, your “hair might stand on end”.
Thoughts can produce feelings, which could be one step removed from our present environment. I might feel fear when I think about the possibility of seeing a bear, even when there is no bear in sight. Feelings we have had in past experiences may also recur in the present, when we find ourselves in a situation that somehow mirrors the experience from the past. So, feelings can be a response to something past, present, close, far away, visible, or invisible.
An example of direct sensing might be a feeling of disgust when you see something distasteful, or a feeling of horror if you see violence. It could be interest when something captures your attention, or pleasure or happiness in response to a smile or a hug. However, if in the past, you had very unpleasant experiences when your personal space was violated, a hug in the present could produce a feeling of fear or powerlessness.
Some expressions confuse thoughts with feelings. “I have a bad feeling about our school trip” means that you expect (think) the trip will not go well. “I feel like I’m an outcast” means I think that other people are avoiding me. We may have a feeling associated with that—maybe sadness or disappointment. The expression “feel like” is a thought or a judgment. To “feel” expresses feelings: I feel scared, I feel happy, or I feel afraid.
Feelings are not morally “good” or “bad”. They may be pleasant or unpleasant. They are not good or bad any more than seeing or hearing are good or bad. When we talk about “negative” feelings, we usually mean “unpleasant” feelings. If we don’t try to judge our feelings as good or bad, it gives us the opportunity to observe them for what they are.
Emotions can be suppressed, or invalidated, to our detriment. Acknowledging our feelings and expressing them appropriately helps us to regulate them. We can learn to let feelings come into our awareness, acknowledge them, and let them go again without necessarily acting on them. As with our thoughts, developing the skill of observing our feelings is key to growth and change.