One of the strategies for countering rigid or harmful ways of thinking is to ask ourselves questions about our thoughts and assumptions. Likewise, we can treat our thoughts as “best guesses” rather than as facts. We can also use the PACE model in our own inner dialog: Playful, Accepting, Curiosity and Empathy. This can reduce our defensiveness and increase our ability to explore multiple options.
Mark Tyrell, on Unk.com (Uncommon Knowledge), explores Socratic Questioning as a therapy technique, and its use outside of therapy:
“Nearly 2,500 years ago, Socrates observed that some types of knowledge were already inside people. Rather than putting knowledge into them, you could draw it out so they could, themselves see it and use it… Parents, teachers, and coaches as well as good friends use this powerful form of perspective-enlarging, context-widening communication to indirectly build the capacity for creative thought… People can learn to use Socratic questioning for themselves without needing someone to ask the questions. In this context, Socratic questioning is simply a way of thinking about and perceiving reality.”
Some of the context-widening questions that Tyrrell proposes:
- Does your idea apply in all contexts, and if not, why not?
- Is it possible…?
- Are there any other possible reasons?
- What’s the evidence?
Some examples:
- Is everyone who has experienced divorce a failure?
- Can a person who is generally ‘a success’ still fail at some things?
- Is it possible to be generally liked but not be liked by everyone? Is anyone in the world liked by absolutely everyone? Would such a person be likable?
Harmful thinking often takes a very narrow, well-worn path. When we observe that we are using rigid black-and-white statements or overgeneralizing, we can ask ourselves some of these context-widening questions.
Treating Thoughts as Guesses proposes that the technique of treating our first thoughts, or initial assumptions, as one of many possible guesses can help us to be less rigid in our thinking. This makes it easier for us to consider more helpful conclusions. “By considering a range of possibilities it becomes easier to go with the one that seems the most effective…” We can help ourselves to make this shift if we acknowledge that our first thought may not have been wrong, it was just our “best guess” at the time. We can give ourselves permission to explore other possibilities we might not have thought of at first.
We are more open to exploring possibilities when we talk to ourselves in a way that is congruent with the PACE model. We don’t judge or accuse – we just ask and explore. We are gentle and empathetic with ourselves—even playful. We allow ourselves to learn, grow, and explore the possibilities. Using PACE as a basis for our own inner dialog, we can give ourselves a boost toward more helpful ways of thinking.