Our thinking patterns have a big impact on our emotions and our ability to act in positive ways. Becoming aware of how our thoughts affect us and developing helpful thinking patterns is a skill that can help us realize more positive outcomes in our career, our relationships, our health, and in our general feeling of well-being. We can think more kindly and compassionately toward ourselves – and who couldn’t use an inner helper in place of an inner critic?
We all operate on certain beliefs and belief systems that are a result of many influences: our upbringing, our education, our community, our culture, our choice of friends, and many other things. We develop certain beliefs about ourselves, our situations, our future and our capabilities that can help us cope with life’s challenges or keep us from coping very well in many circumstances. It’s worth taking inventory of some of these thought patterns to see if they are serving us well.
We usually carry on an inner dialogue with ourselves in our thoughts, and often we don’t stop to consider what we are telling ourselves, and how it’s affecting us. Have you ever caught yourself being downright unappreciative and unkind to yourself? Maybe talking to yourself in a way that you wouldn’t dream of talking to one of your friends? “Stupid! Why do I keep doing that? I should know better by now!” “You idiot, could you get your act together?” “Dumbbell—you’re never going to pass this class.” “What a failure!” “I’ll never get math—it’s just not my thing!” “If I don’t get this right this time, it’s hopeless.”
… or making assumptions about what other people are thinking? “It’s no wonder Shawna hasn’t called me lately—she probably doesn’t like me.” “I bet no one will come to my party. They probably think I’m a jerk.” “Wow, the boss is sure crabby today—she’s probably upset with me. I wonder what I’ve done to upset her.”
…or maybe you make generalizations about other people, or blame them for your own state of mind: “All rich (poor, black, white, old, young) people are that way—you just can’t trust them.” “John should stop making me angry!”
What if instead, you could converse with yourself in helpful ways, that boost your mood, give you more motivation, and enable you to approach problems in a way that increase your possibilities of success?
In the next weeks, let’s look at some unhelpful ways of thinking and how to develop more helpful thinking skills!